


A Past for Cassian

by orphan_account



Category: Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016)
Genre: Backstory, Gen, Past, Star Wars - Freeform, idk - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-01
Updated: 2017-05-01
Packaged: 2018-10-26 02:29:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,462
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10777581
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: After everything that happened on Eadu, Cassian is convinced to spill his life story.





	A Past for Cassian

“I don’t have a father either, you know.”

“That’s not something you should be talking about right now,” Kaytoo said knowingly. “You were ordered to kill Galen Erso, and you not having a father doesn’t make up for it.”

“Oh, right, so you since you don’t have a father, you thought you should try and take mine away from me too,” Jyn said loudly, talking over Kaytoo.

“I wasn’t going to kill your father, Jyn,” Cassian said defensively. “I was under direct orders to kill him and I didn’t. I defied direct orders from General Draven. Direct orders!”

“He’s right, Jyn,” Bodhi said. “He had every opportunity to, but he didn’t.”

Jyn just crossed her arms defiantly and refused to make eye contact with anybody else on the ship until Cassian sat down next to her a couple minutes later.

“Are you okay?”

“What do you mean, you don’t have a father?”

“What does it sound like I mean? I don’t have a father. He died when I was four.”

“I’m sorry,” Jyn forced the words out of her mouth. She was sorry that her father died, but he wasn’t the only one who’d had to deal with that. Other people didn’t bring that up less than an hour after someone else in the group’s father had died. “What’s your mother’s name?”

“Araneya.”

“That’s a pretty name,” Jyn said, and she genuinely meant it.

“She died when I was very young. Two years old, I think.”

“That’s awful.”

“I have no memories of her. It’s not as awful as you might think,” Cassian shrugged. Jyn rolled her eyes. Every single time she thought he was showing signs of being a human being, he said something that made her change her mind.

“So then who did you grow up with?”

“You’re asking a lot of questions for somebody who claims not to like me.”

“I don’t have to like you to want to know about your past.”

“I’m not telling you anything.” Now Cassian was the one defiantly crossing his arms and refusing to look at anyone else on the ship.

“I think it would greatly help your soul to tell somebody your story, Cassian.” It was the first time Chirrut had spoken in several minutes.

“Plenty of people know my story, Chirrut. I don’t need to tell anyone else.”

“I am merely offering my advice, Cassian. You can take it or leave it.”

There was more silence, and Jyn was just beginning to accept the fact that Cassian wasn’t going to say anything else when, yet again, he surprised her.

“I’ve lived in the Rebellion my entire life.”

“That much is obvious,” Jyn scoffed.

“Look, princess, I’m going to tell you my life story like you asked, so if you could stop interrupting that would be great.”

 

_~this is a flashback to Cassian’s past but idk how to make that obvious so~_

 

“Where’s Mummy?” Cassian was two and a half years old and couldn’t figure out why his mother wasn’t home yet.

“Mummy’s not,” his father wiped his eyes and cleared his throat, “Mummy’s not coming home.”

“Why not?”

“Mummy’s had an accident. She’s not coming back, Cass.”

“Mummy!” Cassian’s younger sister chimed in.

“I want Mummy to come home.” Cassian’s bottom lip was quivering.

“She’s gone, Cass. Mummy’s gone.”

Mya didn’t understand what was happening, but she noticed that her father and Cassian were sad so she started to cry too.

“Shhh, Mya, shh,” Cassian’s father picked up the baby and tried to shush her.

The only time Cassian ever saw his father cry was that night, as he was tucking the child into bed later.

“G’night, Daddy. G’night, Mya.” Cassian hugged his father and sister before crawling into bed. “G’night Mummy,” Cassian said, more out of habit than anything.

“We don’t need to say good night to Mummy anymore, Cass.”

 

_~now we’re out of the flashbacks~_

 

“Wait, you have a sister?” Jyn was very confused.

“I had a sister,” Cassian said quietly.

“But, you? A sister?” Jyn was shocked.

“I had a sister,” Cassian said, firmly this time. “Do you want me to tell you my life story or not?”

“Okay, whatever. Continue.”

 

_~and we’re back to flashbacks~_

 

“Daddy, where are we going?” Cassian was four years old and his father was roughly tugging him and his sister away from the rebel base and towards a ship.

“The Empire is here, Cas. We need to go.” His father’s voice was firm and Cassian was scared.

“Why are we running from the Empire?”

“They killed your mother, Cas. We talked about this. The Empire is evil. They want to kill us.”

Cassian was so scared that he burst into tears, and he could hear Mya sniffling next to him. His father sighed and picked both of the children up, practically throwing them onto the ship.

“I’ll be right there, okay guys?” Their father was about to climb onto the ship when Sergeant Vand started yelling for him.

“Captain Andor! We need more men on the ground!”

“I can’t leave Cassian and Mya, Sergeant!”

“More men on the ground, Captain! Immediately! None of the ships are going to be able to leave if we don’t get more men on the ground! Your kid’s aren’t going to be able to go anywhere unless you get your ass on the ground and help us out!”

“I’ll be right there,” their father yelled again. He quickly climbed onto the ship to say goodbye to Mya and Cassian.

“Cassian, Mya,” his father turned and squatted down in front of the still-crying children. “I love you, but I have to go now, okay?”

“Daddy, no!” Mya whimpered.

“I’m sorry.” Cassian’s father pulled the boy into a tight hug. “I have to go now. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” His father pressed a final kiss to Cassian and Mya’s heads before getting up and jogging to the exit of the ship. Cassian started to run towards him, but somebody else who was on the ship grabbed both of the children.

“Take good care of them, will you?” Cassian looked at the woman who had her one of her hands firmly on Cassian’s shoulder and her other hand on Mya’s shoulder.

“Daddy! Don’t leave me!”

“I’m so sorry.” Cassian’s father’s voice broke. “I’m so sorry.”

 

“My name is Rylan,” a kid with unruly dark brown hair smiled and waved at Cassian. Cassian was six years old and it was his first day of school.

“Hi Rylan. I’m Cassian.”

“I’m Kiran.” Kiran looked exactly like Rylan, with slightly messier hair.

“You look just like Rylan!” Cassian said excitedly.

“Well, yeah,” Kiran laughed. “We’re twins. Twins look the same.”

“Wow,” Cassian smiled. “That’s pretty cool.”

“My name is Luna,” a girl with long, eloquently braided hair walked up to the group and smiled.

“Are you guys ready for school?” Cassian asked.

“Hell no,” Kiran laughed, and Luna and Cassian widened their eyes in shock.

“That’s a bad word!” Luna exclaimed.

“It’s not that bad of a word,” Rylan rolled his eyes. “You should hear our dad.”

“Okay, children,” Ms. Telius clapped her hands. “It’s time for classes to start.”

There were groans from various children as they followed Ms. Telius into the small classroom. Rylan looked back at Cassian and winked.

“I’ll save you and Luna a seat by Kiran and me.”

“Thanks,” Cassian smiled.

 

_~and we’re out of the flashbacks~_

 

“You got to go to school?” Bodhi said in disbelief.

“It was very basic and we were really only taught simple things for four years, but yes. I got to go to school. Is that,” Cassian cleared his throat, “is that not common in the Empire?”

“We don’t go to school for general knowledge. We go to school and get lessons in whatever career has been picked for us. And we start school as soon as we’re old enough to talk. None of us grow up with families.”

“You don’t get to pick your career?” Jyn was shocked. “And you didn’t have a family? Oh, Bodhi, that’s awful!”

“Yeah, it sort of is. But Cassian’s the one telling his tragic backstory, so I’ll let him get back to it.”

“Thank you,” Cassian sighed.

 

_~woo hoo back into the flashbacks~_

 

“Cass?” Mya sounded like she was on the verge of tears as she stepped into the dorm room she shared with Cassian. Cassian was eight years old and already feeling the strains of essentially being a single parent.

“What’s wrong, Mya?”

“How do you deal with mean people at school?”

“Um, I guess I just tell them how I feel and ask them to stop. Why? Is somebody being mean to you?”

“Yeah. But I didn’t talk to her. I punched her.”

“Mya, we can’t punch people!”

“I know,” the six year old burst into tears, “but she was just being so mean I didn’t know what else to do.”

“Oh, no, Mya, come here,” Cassian hugged his sister and tried to comfort her.

“She was laughing at me because I don’t have a mommy or a daddy,” Mya sobbed. “I told her that I have my big brother so I don’t need a mommy or daddy but she said that wasn’t the same. Am I,” Mya hiccuped, “am I gonna be okay even though I don’t have a mommy or a daddy?”

“Of course you are, Mya,” Cassian said reassuringly. “You’re going to be just fine because you have me, and I have you, and that’s all we need in the world, okay?”

“Okay, Cass.” Mya didn’t sound quite as upset anymore, but she was still crying. “I’m gonna be okay because I have my big brother.”

“And I’m gonna be okay because I’ve got my little sister.”

 

“I’m gonna be a pilot some day.” Cassian was eleven and he was hiking through the forest with Kiran, Rylan, and Luna.

“As if,” Luna scoffed. “You don’t have the guts to be a pilot.”

“I do too!” Cassian defended himself.

“She’s right,” Kiran picked a stick up off of the ground and swatted at Cassian. “You don’t even have the guts to hit me back.”

“Oh, really?” Cassian picked up a stick and stabbed at Kiran. They continued to stab and swat at each other until Kiran tipped over a tree root and face planted.

“Ow,” Kiran groaned, rolling over onto his back. “Damn it, I guess you win,” Kiran laughed.

“There. I do too have the guts to hit you back,” Cassian said proudly.

“You still couldn’t be a pilot,” Rylan smiled, helping his brother off of the ground.

“He’s right. You’re too nice to be a pilot,” Luna piped up.

“Pilots can be nice, can’t they?” Cassian narrowly avoided tripping over a tree root, and Kiran held back a laugh.

“Yeah, but they have to be at least a little mean.You’d have to be to shoot somebody else’s ship down in the cold vacuum of space,” Luna shuddered.

“That was very cheerful,” Cassian rolled his eyes. “I’m still going to be a pilot.”

“No, you’re not,” Kiran waved a stick threateningly in Cassian’s face.

“I’m going to become the best damn pilot in the entire Rebellion some day.”

 

 

 

“Look what I’ve got,” Rylan grinned, holding up a bottle of whiskey.

“Ooooh!” Luna, Cassian, Alenna, and Kiran cheered.

“How’d you manage to get that?” Cassian was fifteen and he and his friends had snuck off of base for the night.

“I stole it from my parents,” Rylan laughed. He joined his friends, who were sitting around a small campfire in the forests of Yavin 4.

“Rebel, rebel,” Luna giggled.

“Well, that would make sense. You know, because I’m in the fucking Rebel Alliance,” Rylan snorted, scooting over next to Luna.

“Oh, shut up,” Luna playfully shoved Rylan’s shoulder.

“Hey, who’s the chick?” Rylan nodded towards the girl sitting next to Cassian.

“This is Alenna. She’s new here, I thought I might show her around.” Cassian looked at the girl with her head on his shoulder and smiled.

“Pleased to meet you,” Rylann smiled. He took a sip of the whiskey and grimaced. “I’m Rylan. Kiran’s brother.”

“Nice to meet you,” Alenna smiled.

“Pass the damn bottle, Ry,” Luna held out her hand, and Rylan groaned but handed her the bottle. “Thanks,” she grinned and kissed his cheek before taking a swig.

“When did you two become a thing?” Kiran sighed, grabbing the bottle from Luna.

“Pretty recently,” Luna smiled up at Rylan.

“Looks like I’m the only fucking single one out of the four - I mean, five - of us now.” Kiran rolled his eyes and passed the whiskey to Cassian.

“I guess your mind-blowing good looks and stunning personality just weren’t enough,” Cassian said, and everybody laughed.

“Hey, here’s an idea,” Kiran said after the bottle had come back around to him a few more times.

“What’s your fantastic idea?” Cassian giggled, running his fingers through Alenna’s hair.

“We can hook up with,” Kiran hiccuped, “whoever we damn well please, as long as we remember that,” Kiran hiccuped again, “we’re friends first, and we fuck each other later.”

“Well, you’ve sure got a way with words, Kiran,” Alenna said sarcastically.

“Friends first, fuck later,” Rylan murmured.

“You’re making it sound worse than I mean it,” Kiran groaned, taking another sip of whiskey.

“I know what you mean, Kiran,” Luna smiled. “But it sounds better if you say friends first, lovers later.”

“Ah, yes,” Kiran laughed. “Luna Oligard gets me.”

“Hands off of her, Kiran Elrad,” Rylan said playfully. “Luna Oligard’s all mine.”

“We should call ourselves the FFFLs,” Alenna piped up.

“The FFFLs?” Cassian was confused.

“The friends first, fuck laters,” Alenna said, and then started laughing so hard she couldn’t breathe.

“The FFFLs,” Rylan laughed. “I like it.”

 

“We’re supposed to be helping Kiran and Rylan and Luna clean the ships, Cassian,” Cora smiled. Cassian was sixteen and had his first real crush. Well, he’d liked people before, but never really in the way he liked Cora.

“S’okay, Cora. The others’ll get it done without us.” Cassian grabbed Cora’s hands and pulled her close to him. He brushed strands of her light blonde hair out of her face, grinning. “And there’s no one else in here.”

Cora was one of the newest recites that Cassian had been lumped with. Recruits could join at sixteen, and they started out as privates. Although Cassian could’ve started at a much higher level having been born into the Rebellion, he saw Cora’s long blonde hair and clear blue eyes and decided starting out as a private wasn’t so bad. He’d managed to convince his friends to start out as privates so he wouldn’t have to be by himself.

“And you have plans for us here in this empty hangar?” Cora bit her lip and looked up at Cassian.

“Of course,” Cassian smirked before kissing her. “Hell yes, I’ve got plans for us.”

“Wait,” Cora pulled away a few moments later, out of breath, her hair a mess. “Don’t you have a girlfriend?”

“Alenna?” Cassian laughed softly. “Don’t worry about Alenna.”

“Cass, I don’t want to come between you two or anything.” Cora sounded worried.

“Don’t worry,” Cassian pulled Cora back towards him. “We’re not a thing anymore.”

“But you hang out with her all the time!”

“We’re friends. She’s part of the FFFLs. There’s nothing to worry about between us.”

“The FFFLs?” Cora was confused and not entirely sure she accepted Cassian’s answer, but she hadn’t tried to worm her way out of his embrace yet.

“I’ll tell you later, okay?”

“Okay,” Cora agreed. “As soon as we’re done I want to hear your story.”

 

_~now we’re back to them being on the ship (as in this isn’t flashbacks anymore)~_

 

“I don’t see why we have to hear all about you and some girl,” Jyn rolled her eyes.

“Unless I’m mistaken, you asked me to tell you my life story.”

“That really doesn’t need to involve you telling us about how you hooked up with some girl, does it?”

“It’s an important thing that happened, Jyn.”

“It is important to Cassian’s story,” Kaytoo piped up.

“Oh, yes, because I trust your judgement, Kaytoo,” Jyn said sarcastically.

“Can I please get on with my story or do you want to complain about it even more?” Cassian was back to crossing his arms.

“Oh, please, by all means. I want to know how Cora fits into your traumatic backstory.”

“Jyn, the part about his parents leaving him was fairly traumatic,” Bodhi pointed out.

“Fine. Whatever. Keep telling your story, Rebel Boy,” Jyn sighed.

 

_~and, guess what? back in the flashbacks!~_

 

“Mya, you can’t keep sneaking into the boys’ barracks to see Soryn!” Cassian was seventeen years old and was, yet again, taking on the roll of father.

“You sneak around all the time!” Mya defended herself.

“I don’t sneak into the girls’ barracks to make out with my girlfriend!”

“That’s because Cora’s a bitch!”

“Just, please stop sneaking into the barracks. Sneak into the forest, or one of the empty hangars, or one of the empty dorms. Stay the hell out of the boys’ barracks, okay?” Cassian was angry that Mya wasn’t listening to him. Mya always listened to him, they were ridiculously close, but she wasn’t listening to him now.

“I’m fifteen! I can make some of my own decisions now! You don’t have to keep playing dad!”

“Yes, _some_ of your own decisions. I’m making this sone for you, okay?”

“Yes, sir,” Mya mocked a salute before turning on her heal and storming away.

“Goddamnit, Mya!” Cassian yelled after her.

“Kiss my ass!” Mya flipped her middle finger up at Cassian as she stomped down the hallway. Cassian just stared after her, unsure what to do. He’d never really fought with his sister.

 

_~back to Jyn being salty as hell on the ship~_

 

“You know, absolutely none of this sounds very traumatizing. All you’ve done so far is lose your parents at a young age, have fun with your friends, and yell at your sister. I take it back, actually. Losing your parents is traumatic. But none of the rest are traumatic.” Jyn was lying down on the floor of the ship. She was enjoying Cassian telling her about his life story, but she wanted the dirt. She wanted to know why he always seemed so sad.

“I’ll get to the interesting things in a bit, okay?” Cassian sounded like he was on the verge of tears, which surprised Jyn. She sat straight up and glanced over at him. There were legitimate tears in his eyes. “It’s just very hard for me to talk about things like this around other people. I try to remember as little as possible.”

“I’m sorry that we’re making you talk about this,” Jyn said quietly. “You don’t have to keep going if you don’t want to.”

“Not, it’s okay. I think Chirrut was right. Talking about it has helped me. A little bit.”

 

_~and yup -- you guessed it -- it’s flashback time!~_

 

“I got it! I got it!” Cassian yelled excitedly, waving a piece of paper around.

“Calm down, man,” Rylan said, annoyed. “Calm down. What did you get? What are you holding?”

“My pilot’s certificate! I got it! I’m a pilot!” Cassian was so excited that his words ran together and Rylan couldn’t tell what he was saying, but he was smiling just because Cassian seemed so happy.

“Slow down,” Rylan laughed -- his grumpy mood was gone -- because Cassian was happy, “and repeat yourself.”

“I got my pilot’s certificate!” Cassian was grinning from ear to ear, and he could barely form a coherent sentence. “I’m a pilot!”

“That’s amazing!” Rylan was about as excited as Cassian was at this point. Cassian didn't get excited often, but when he did, it was infectious.

“I’m a pilot! You and Kiran and Luna told me it couldn’t happen but I did it! I’m a pilot!”

“What the hell are you smiling about?” Kiran stepped into the barracks, grumbling.

“I got my pilot’s certificate!”

“That’s great. General Draven just spent half an hour chewing me out for skipping training yesterday.”

“I’m a fucking pilot! You told me I couldn’t do it and look! Here I am! I’m a pilot!” Cassian was practically jumping for joy, and Kiran’s grumpy face was slowly turning into a grin.

“You’re a pilot? Congratulations,” Kiran grinned. “That’s amazing!”

Cassian was still smiling as he fell asleep that night.

 

“You’re such a fucking dork,” Cora laughed, and Cassian couldn’t help but just stare at her. He was nineteen and in love.

“I know,” Cassian grinned. He’d taken her to the third moon of Intu for a picnic lunch because he’d heard the weather was supposed to be phenomenal. It was, it was warm but not hot and there was a pleasant breeze blowing and all three dwarf suns were poking out from behind white fluffy clouds. It was perfect.

“How’d you get permission to take a ship and fly me out here on a date? Normally that’s something only captains and above are permitted to do.” Cora was laying on her back on top of the Rebel-issued blanket Cassian had brought with them, gazing up at the triple suns.

“I’m good at convincing those in charge,” Cassian laughed. “You know, this could be us in ten years.”

“This is us right now, Cass. What do you mean in ten years?”

“We could be captains, taking a break from our busy lives on a planet somewhere,” Cassian said dreamily. “I could fly you halfway across the galaxy, we’d dance the night away at a speakeasy somewhere.”

“You sound like you’ve got our whole damn lives together planned out, Cassian.”

“Is that necessarily a bad thing?”

“No. I like a man with a plan.”

“So that’s what I am to you, a man with a plan?” Cassian grinned.

“Yeah. That’s it. You mean no more to me than that.” Cassian could hear the smile in Cora’s voice. They sat in comfortable silence for a few minutes, just watching the planet around them.

“You know, I think I love you,” Cora said softly.

“You think?”

“I know. I know that I love you.”

“Oh, good,” Cassian smiled.

“Why is that good?” Cora said cautiously.

“It’s good because I love you too.”

 

“For fuck’s sake, Rylan, stop trying to show off for Luna,” Cassian grumbled. He was two weeks away from his twenty-first birthday and on his first training mission. It was an annual tradition. The new sergeants spent their last year in the barracks training the corporals, and that meant taking them on a mission or two. “She’s not going to be impressed if you’re dead.”

“One of us is going to shoot at the stormtroopers at some point. It might as well be me right now!” Rylan protested. Luna shushed him as Cassian rolled his eyes and Rylan raised his blaster and aimed it at a stormtrooper.

“Rylan, wait,” Alenna cautioned, putting her hand on top of Rylan’s and pushing it down. “Don’t shoot that one, he’s carrying a shitload of explosives. If we shoot him, this part of the city is going to be rubble. Us included.”

“Good eye, Len,” Kiran grinned. “We’ll wait for his group to get the hell out of here and then we’ll shoot.”

“Are you excited, Cass?” Cora grinned.

“Nobody gets as excited as you do during missions, Cora,” Cassian smiled. “Sometimes, I think that you love missions more than me.”

“I think you’re right,” Cora laughed.

“Hey, lovebirds, we’re on a mission. Keep the flirting to a minimum, please?” Kiran said, and they laughed softly.

“Do I get to do anything important?” Mya groaned.

“Shh,” Cassian hissed. “You’re being too loud. The stormtroopers are going to hear us.”

“But Cassian,” Mya whined. Cassian glared at her and she shook her head. “Okay. Fine. Tell me when I get to do something exciting.”

“Hey, man, don’t yell at her. She’s never done anything wrong to you,” Soryn was glaring at Cassian, and he wasn’t even pretending that he was trying to be quiet.

“Soryn, shut up!” Luna said as loudly as she dared. “You’re risking the entire mission!”

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” Soryn raised his hands in defense. “I’m just trying to protect my girl from this mean old bully right here. If he wants to yell at her, he can yell at me first.” Soryn pointed his finger towards Cassian, and a split second later Cassian had tackled the younger man and was pinning him down to the ground.

“Do you know who I am, Soryn?” Cassian said roughly.

“Yeah, some dweeb who thinks he’s got to be all macho to defend the fact he yelled at a girl,” Soryn snarled right back.

“So then you know that Mya is my sister, right?” Cassian felt Soryn go week underneath him. “You know that I’ve practically been raising her since she was three, right?”

“Oh, yeah, of course.” Sorry was trying to sound sarcastic but he was pretty obviously lying. Cassian turned away from Soryn and looked at Mya.

“You didn’t tell him that I’m your brother?” Cassian’s voice was filled with disbelief.

“I didn’t think it was that important,” Mya shrugged.

“I’m the fucking mission leader and you didn’t think it was important to tell your boyfriend of, what, four years that I’m your goddamn brother?” Cassian let go of Soryn and stood up.

“On and off again boyfriend. All in all we’ve been together for like, two and a half years.”

“Still!”

“I figured word had gotten around, that’s all.”

“Hey, I hate to interrupt this mess, but we’ve got a mission to do,” Rylan piped up. “Data chips to recover.”

“Yeah. Okay.” Cassian glared at Mya for a second longer before turning back towards the rest of the group. He and the other sergeants whispered back and forth until they’d come up with a plan of sorts.

“Seems like a lot of work we’re doing for two fucking data chips,” Soryn said from the side. Even though Mya had joined in the conversation, Soryn just refused to do anything even remotely helpful. Cassian couldn’t understand why Mya had picked him to fall in love -- well, at least something resembling love -- with.

“I will not hesitate to shoot you if you continue to endanger our mission, Soryn.” Luna pointed her blaster at Soryn without even glancing at him.

“Oh no, I’m so scared,” Soryn said mockingly. “Endangering the mission? As if. You fucking sergeants leading this, thinking you’re all that and a bag of chips, you’re the ones endangering the mission. Besides, you wouldn’t kill me. You couldn’t do it.”

“No. I wouldn’t kill you. But I also wouldn’t hesitate to wound you.” Luna didn’t have the chance to shoot at him. Before she could do anything, the blaster was plucked out of her hands and she was being lifted up in the air.

“What the he-” Luna’s voice was cut off by the Imperial droid who was carrying her. Everyone sitting around her instantly jumped into action, but it was to no avail. Eight Rebel blasters clattered to the ground as the eight Rebels were carried off by Imperial droids.

“I fucking told you, didn’t I?” Cassian said through the bars of a jail cell several hours later. He could see Soryn in a cell across the hall from him.

“Fuck you.” Soryn’s tone was icy.

“Stop yelling at him, Cass. What’s done is done,” Mya said. Cassian couldn’t see her from his cell, but it sounded like she was right next to him.

He could hear Rylan and Luna talking farther down the hall, and Mya was talking to Cora, which meant Cora had to be close to him. Cassian had never felt so full of despair. The first mission he’d ever lead had ended up in everyone getting thrown in an Imperial jail cell. Fuck.

 

“I got a message from Kaytoo,” Cora whispered. Cassian tried to conceal his surprise and kept hacking away at the walls of the salt mine. Yesterday had been his twenty-first birthday and he’d spent it working in the salt mines for the Empire. The group of rebels hadn’t -- by some miracle -- been split up, but Cassian figured that wouldn’t last long. The Empire probably wouldn’t like the eight rebels to stay together for very long. He’d managed to get a message to Kaytoo, the Imperial droid that he’d spent hours reprogramming, but he wasn’t sure if anything would come of it.

“And? What’d he say?”

“He’s going to try to get here. Spread the word, okay?”

“Kaytoo’s coming to get us,” Cassian whispered to Luna, who told Alenna, who passed it on to Kiran, who whispered to Rylan, who told Soryn, who told Mya, who grinned in excitement.

“Hey, what’s so funny?” One of the guards yelled down at the group. “Get down to work before I have to come over there and make you!”

“Yes, sir.” Mya sighed, picked up her pickaxe, and started hauling away at the sides of the tunnel that they were in.

“Say, you’re a pretty one, aren’t you?” the guard eyed Mya in a way that made Cassian very uneasy.

“Um, thank you, sir,” Mya smiled nervously. She stopped her work as the guard approached her, and Cassian noticed that Soryn was just as tense as he was.

“How’d you like to get out of these dirty old mines, huh?” The guard was walking around Mya, and Cassian wanted nothing more than to be able to punch him. He started walking towards the guard, but then remembered his ankles were chained to the ground and he wasn’t able to move are enough to reach her. Soryn, on the other hand...

“No, sir, I’m really perfectly happy down here.” Mya looked at Cassian with a look of complete and utter terror in her eyes. Cassian nodded towards Soryn, who was obviously ready to kick the guard’s ass.

“I think you’d really enjoy coming up to my room with me.” The guard reached for Mya’s hand, but she jerked it away from him. “Oh, I really don’t think you want to do that.” The guard grinned, an evil, sadistic grin, and pulled a blaster from the holster around his waist.

“What are you going to do to her?” Cassian was careful to keep his voice calm and level, but didn’t hesitate to let a bit of anger seep into it.

“Just some,” the guard pointed the gun at Mya’s shoulder, “some extra convincing.” The guard was about to pull the trigger when Soryn punched him. The guard stumbled, holding his hand against the spot on his cheek where Soryn had hit him.

“Kid, you’re gonna regret that!” The guard whipped around and smacked Soryn with the butt of his blaster. Sorry cried out in pain before crumpling to the ground.

“Soryn!” Mya screamed, and started to kneel down next to him.

“Stay away from the boy, pretty girl.” The guard turned the blaster back on Mya. She slowly stood up again, and the guard called for reinforcements. Cassian held Cora in a firm hug, watching his sister try not to cry as Soryn lay motionless on the ground. He could hear Alenna, Luna, Kiran, and Rylan talking in hushed voices, but he was too worried about Mya to pay attention. The stormtroopers rushed in, and Cassian tried to keep Cora next to him but they were pulled apart in the chaos. Cassian was led off before anyone else, unable to see what had happened to everybody else.

He’d been locked in his jail cell for a couple hours when Kaytoo came for him.

“Kaytoo!” Cassian never thought he’d be so happy to see the Imperial droid, but here he was, hugging him.

 

_~now we back on the ship bc Kaytoo gotta say stuff bc he salty~_

 

“And he’s never hugged me since, if you’ll believe it,” Kaytoo interrupted.

“Kaytoo, can we not get stuck on that fact?” Cassian said impatiently.

“I’m offended by it. You were so kind to me for a few years and have shown me nothing but mediocre tolerance since.” There was a hint of “fuck you” in Kaytoo’s voice.

“I’m sorry, Kaytoo. I’ll hug you twice a day every day until I die. Is that fair enough?” Cassian sighed, but the droid seemed happy enough.

“Yes, that’s more than acceptable. I mean, the chances of you following through on that promise are,” the droid paused for some calculations, “approximately 35%, but I will take what I can get. Now, continue on with your story. I believe I’m integral in the next part.”

 

_~more traumatic Cassian backstory time~_

 

“Well, where’s everyone else?” Cassian said under his breath. He was trying to call as little attention to himself as possible while Kaytoo escorted him through the halls of the Imperial base.

“I thought you knew where they were,” Kaytoo said softly.

“I think they’re back in the same hallway my cell was on.”

“Well, that would’ve been nice to know earlier,” Kaytoo sighed before turning around. “Let’s go find everybody else.”

 

“There’s bad news,” Kaytoo said half an hour later, after talking to another Imperial droid about the eight rebels.

“What? What is it?”

“They’ve revitalized Soryn.”

“That’s not bad news, is it?”

“Well, yes and no. He’s being held in a sub level somewhere with the other six. Apparently, they didn’t think you had any important information to give them and you’ve been slated for execution.”

“I was fucking mission leader, of courser I have valuable-” Cassian stopped when he realized how loud his voice was getting. “I’m sorry, Kaytoo. Please continue.”

“It’s not good. Soryn’s cracked. He’s probably giving them important Rebel information as we speak.”

“What do we do to stop him?”

“We’ve got no choice. We have to blow the whole base.” By this point, Kaytoo had lead Cassian into a small utility room with nobody else in it, where they were free to speak without the fear of being overheard.

“We can’t blow the whole base! It’ll kill everyone! I don’t care about the Imperial ones as much as my sister! And Cora! And all of my friends!”

“Would you rather they get what information they have out of Soryn and destroy the Rebellion? Soryn was trusted with some very secretive information that could end the Rebellion right now if the Empire got ahold of it.”

“What are the Rebellions chances of surviving if we try and rescue everyone?”

“2%.”

“And,” Cassian hated to say it, “if we blow the whole place?”

“76%.”

“Fuck.” Cassian ran his fingers through his hair. “We’ve got to blow the whole place. Can we save anyone? Anyone at all?”

(Ending One: The Less Painful One)

“If we go down there, they will shoot every one of them. I’ve run every scenario through my computers. There’s no way we can save any of them.”

“Do we live if we blow it up?” Cassian was begging for the answer to be no. He couldn’t live with himself if he killed all of his friends and his sister protecting the Rebellion.

“Tragically, yes. My ship is armed with a missile that can blow up the whole base, and to activate it we have to be inside.”

Cassian was silent. He couldn’t even believe that this thought was crossing his mind. He was actually going to give Kaytoo the go-ahead to destroy an entire Imperial base with seven of the people he cared about the most on it.

“We have to go to my ship immediately. There is no time to waste. It’s quite possible that they’ve already started to transmit the information to Scarif. That’s where all the major Imperial records are kept.”

“Fuck. Fuck!” Cassian yelled.

“You need to be quiet, Cassian,” the droid warned.

“Look, I’m about to kill everyone I care about, okay?”

“You are not going to have the chance to save the entire Rebellion if you do not shut up and come with me now.”

Cassian followed Kaytoo to his ship.

Cassian was the one who launched the missile.

Cassian was the one who would have the guilt of killing everyone travel with him his entire life.

 

(Ending Two: The More Painful One)

“Yes, there is a slim chance we can save somebody. Perhaps, oh, 47%. But we have to get down there right away.”

“I’ll follow you, Kaytoo,” Cassian said.

“It looks more realistic if I am pushing you along in front of me,” Kaytoo suggested, and Cassian rolled his eyes.

“Okay, okay. You can push me along. Just, let’s go, okay?” Kaytoo pushed Cassian out of the utility closet, and lead him to the sub level where his friends were. They made it down to the entrance to the sub level without any issues, but Kaytoo couldn’t get past the guards there.

“I was given special instructions to transport this prisoner down to sub level 4A-2!” Kaytoo protested. Cassian kept his mouth shut.

“I’m sorry, droid K-2SO4, but I didn’t receive any word of this happening,” the guard said apologetically. “I’m sure if I just radio up to the boss we can check to make sure that this prisoner transport was authorized.”

“No, no, that won’t be necessary,” Kaytoo said quickly. “It’s perfectly fine.”

“Sorry about that,” the guard shrugged as Kaytoo led Cassian away from the entrance to the sub level.

“Cassian, I am going to create a distraction. You are going to break free from me, and I am going to say you ran forward,” Kaytoo gestured towards the passage in front of them. “In reality, if you go forward and take the first left, it should circle around to a back entrance to sub level 4A-2, with one guard. You should be able to take him on. But you will have to act quickly in order for this to work.”

“Can I get everyone out?” Cassian said quietly.

“You can take two people out. That is all that I have room for in the ship with me, and that is probably all we could manage to get out of here anyways.”

“I’m going to try and get all of them,” Cassian said determinedly.

“I would not recommend that. You have a 98% chance of getting everyone killed if you try and rescue everyone, while there is a 92% chance that you will be able to rescue two people,” Kaytoo warned.

“Fuck it, Kaytoo. I’ve got to at least try.” Cassian sounded grim.

“Here, take this,” Kaytoo pushed an earpiece into Cassian’s hand. “Put this in. When it is time for us to go I will tell you.”

“Thanks,” Cassian said, pushing the earpiece in. With that, Cassian “broke free” of the handcuffs that Kaytoo had put on his wrists but hadn’t fastened and ran forward.

“Help! Prisoner CR-008 has broken free!” Kaytoo yelled behind him. By the time the guards caught up to where Kayto was, Cassian had made it to the back entrance and successfully taken out the guard. He used the guard’s keycard, hoping beyond hope that it would work, and the door slid open.

“Cora? Mya?” Cassian whispered. He couldn’t see anybody and he was worried that Kaytoo had led him to the wrong place when somebody grabbed his arm.

“Cassian? What the hell are you doing here?” Cora whispered.

“I’m here to get you guys,” Cassian responded.

“How?”

“Kaytoo came to get us.” Cassian swiped the keycard and Cora’s cell popped open. She hugged Cassian until he heard his earpiece buzz. He was so happy to see her again that he didn’t answer Kaytoo the first time. Or the second. Or the third.

“Cassian, you need to get out of there right now.”

“Kaytoo, I haven’t found everyone yet.”

“You need to get out right now. There are two hundred stormtroopers heading towards you right now. Get. Out.” There was a sharp buzzing noise and then Kaytoo’s voice cut out.

“Shit, Cora, we’ve got to go.” Cassian started leading her towards the back door, but she wouldn’t follow him. “Cora, come on!”

“We can’t just leave them behind, can we?”

“We have to, Cora. Soryn’s started giving away Rebellion secrets and we have to blow up the whole base before they start transmitting the information to Scarif.”

“I’m not going to just leave my friends behind, Cassian,” Cora pulled her hand out of Cassian’s grasp.

“You have a chance to get out, Cora,” Cassian pleaded. “We have a chance to get out. Together. Please.”

“Cassian, I can’t leave them.” Cora looked so sad, and Cassian couldn’t understand why she was saying no to this.

“We could get out, Cora. We could have a life together. We could be happy.” Cassian was going to cry, his voice was breaking and he could barely form a coherent sentence. “We could have each other.”

“Are you okay with living with the guilt of all of this? Forever?” Cora was crying and it broke Cassian’s heart to see the love of his life in tears.

“We’re all going to do things that it’s going to be heard to deal with,” Cassian couldn’t keep his voice calm, but he was trying, “and it’d easier to deal with if you have somebody else with you.”

“Cassian, we have to leave. Right now.” Kaytoo grabbed Cassian’s shoulder.

“I can’t leave without Cora.” Cassian choked on his words.

“We have to leave right now, Cassian. I cannot set the missile off because I am a droid, and droids do not have the vital signs necessary to launch missiles.”

“I’m not leaving Cora, Kaytoo.” Cassian was still fighting to keep his voice level but it was a losing battle. “I can’t leave Cora!”

“Yes, you are.” Kaytoo grabbed Cassian’s arms and began to pull. Cassian was no match for the droid when Kaytoo decided to use full power, but he tried to fight anyway.

“Cora!” he yelled, his voice raw, as Kaytoo dragged him away from her. “Cora!”

“I love you, Cassian,” Cora was crying but she wasn’t walking after him. She wasn’t going to go after him. She wasn’t going to die with him.

He wasn’t going to die with her.

 

_~and now you’ve heard about Cassian’s traumatic past!~_

 

“Holy shit,” Jyn whispered. She’d expected something traumatic from Captain Cassian, but nothing to that level. Nothing to the extent of killing your sister and all of your friends for the sake of the Rebellion.She couldn’t imagine dedicating herself to something that much.

“After that, I worked as hard as I could to climb the ranks in the Rebellion. I had nothing left in the world, so I dedicated everything I had to the cause.” Cassian sounded so sad that Jyn’s heart was breaking. “Everything I did, I did for the Rebellion.”

There was silence in the ship. Even Kaytoo managed to keep his mouth shut.

“Fuck, man, that’s rough.” Bodhi sounded choked. Even Baze had a pained look on his face, and Jyn guessed that not very much made that man feel sad.

“Does your soul feel cleaner?” Chirrut asked curiously.

“Chirrut, the man just spilled his life story to us and he’s about to fuckin’ cry and you’re asking if his damn soul feels cleaner?” Bodhi was outraged. “Have some damn respect, will you?”

“It’s okay, Bodhi,” Cassian said. “I do feel better.”

“Bull shit,” Jyn said. “You’re about to cry. Crying doesn’t mean that you feel better.”

“Sometimes it does.” Cassian shrugged.

“That doesn’t make any sense!” Jyn sounded frustrated.

“That’s okay, Jyn. You do not need to understand everything right now,” Chirrut said. Jyn was angry -- she wanted to yell at Chirrut for asking stupid questions and saying stupid things right now, of all times, when Cassian looked so sad -- but she held herself back. There was more silence, slightly less uncomfortable this time, but it was still awkward silence.

“That’s why I did not shoot your father, Jyn. I know what it feels like to have nobody left in the entire galaxy,” Cassian broke the silence, “I couldn’t do that to somebody else.”

 

“I’m sorry this is going to kill us,” Jyn was trying not to cry.

“It’s okay.” Cassian was twenty-nine and hugging Jyn on one of the sandy beaches of Scarif. Everybody he cared about - except for Jyn -- had died. It had happened again. Even K-2SO4 was gone.. “It’s okay. I get to see Cora again.” Cassian smiled at the thought.

“I get to see Papa,” Jyn smiled sadly. It was bittersweet. She wasn’t ready to die, but she would get to see those she cared about again.

“Do you think we’ll see each other?” The note of hope in Cassian’s voice almost broke Jyn’s heart.

“I do.”

“Your father would be proud of you.”


End file.
